Issue link: http://educator.cta.org/i/94609
fear of abandonment, hypervigilance or the need to scan for danger or surprise, and antisocial behavior, according to Nancy Verrier, a marriage and family therapist and author of The Pri- mal Wound. They struggle with distrust of those in authority, a sense of loss, feelings of shame from moving around so much, a lack of control, identity issues from trying to blend in with new families, memory issues and poor concentration. When teachers don't understand a child's background, they Foster kids tend to suffer from depression, anxiety from asking students to do simple assignments, like drawing a picture of their "family" or reading a story about a happy family. "These kids don't have a family, so the word 'family' can be a very pain- ful word, Teachers can also unwittingly cause emotional upheaval by see the sidebar on this page.) "For kids who come from so-called normal families, hearing " says Locke, herself a former foster child. (For story, may unwittingly set off "triggers" causing emotional meltdowns, like the Pasadena teacher who patted a child on the head, caus- ing him to go ballistic. foster kids talk about their experiences can be really awkward and uncomfortable. They might talk about abuse or different homes where they've lived. The class- room may be the first place they feel safe mentioning these things for the first time. It has to be handled sensi- tively, and it's something there is no staff development training to prepare you for." When that happens, Locke has TEACHER REACHES OUT TO OTHERS IN THE 'CLUB' "IT WAS NERVE -WRA CKING. I knew there were things I couldn't do or say or else I'd be moved again. You could be moved for the slightest provocation on your part. That was always hanging over your head. You couldn't really trust anybody." Growing up as a foster child wasn't Carol Locke easy for Carol Locke, a special educa- tion teacher at Marshall Fundamental Secondary School in Pasadena. Her mother died when she was just nine days old; her father couldn't cope with a newborn and four sons. They were put into foster care and separated not only from him, but each other. "School was always a good place for me, where I could perform well," recalls Locke, United Teachers of Pasadena. "In school, I got all the accolades I didn't get at home, and very quickly came to the conclusion that education was my 'out' of the system. So I made sure I was a shining example and constantly got awards." She considers herself lucky because she only lived in three fos- ter homes before adulthood, compared with her brothers, who had many. They nicknamed her "the princess" for her good fortune. When Locke has a foster child in her class, she shares her background with them privately. She likens it to being part of an "exclusive club" that results in a bond with that student. It is common for children to receive a stuffed animal when moved into foster care, and she shows them her "dolly" that was given to her by one of her foster mothers. Locke also gives them a code word so she'll know when they need to talk. "I can see they are having trouble, and I say, 'I'll see you in my office,' which is really the hallway. Sometimes they need a space to talk when they are not in front of the other students. It usually doesn't take very long — and it's time well spent." a "magic circle" for the entire class to take a few moments and talk about their feel- ings and show support for one another. The most difficult time for a foster Susanne Pillay child may be after supervised visits with biological parents, which can leave them feeling devas- tated, says Susanne Pillay, a Redwood City Teachers Association member who has also been a foster mother. "These kids have been pulled out of living situations that are, in some cases, horrendous. But even if they have been abused, most of the kids love their biological parents and want to be home with their family, telling adults what to do, but they shouldn't take it personally, says Pillay. "These students are what I call 'adulterated' because they have assumed the parenting role," she says. "I had a student who Teachers can be taken aback by students who may be used to " says Pillay. had been reminding his mother to pay the bills since second grade because she was strung out on drugs. He felt responsible for his family's finances. When children are used to being in control, it can be a challenge for teachers." Pillay advises teachers to cut foster parents some slack. There are meetings with social workers, mental health work- ers, doctors and others, and they may have scant time to meet with teachers. "They are 'meetinged' to death, so I e-mail foster parents quite a bit," she says. "And I don't blame the foster parents for a child's behavior, because they are doing the best they can. When I was a foster mom, I often felt like I was being attacked by teachers. They'd say your child is doing this or your child is doing that, and I was trying very hard to get a handle on it. Teachers should remember it's not easy for foster parents to deal with children who have been ripped away from their family. " PATIENCE PAYS While foster students want to be treated like any other student, there are differences, and teachers must make allowances. Foster children are estimated to lose six months of emotional 10 California Educator November 2012